Why am I like this?

I feel nothing most of the time. Sadness. Numbness. I don't even know anymore. Maybe both? I feel like I'm just here. I have no real friends anymore. I'm not trying to complain, I have two beautiful children that I wouldn't change for the world. I just need a place to vent really. Express it, write it down. Judge free zone. I do have a boyfriend. Been with him for a little over a year now. But I get this feeling that he doesn't care for me like he says. I've become a stay at home mom now. I got fired from my job of 3 years. My boyfriend got his car repossessed. So now my car is the only car that we have and he's working. So, I've been resorted to being a stay at home mom again. Love my kids but I miss working. I gained weight again and wow. With everything going on in my actual life and things that go on in my head. I'm always sad or something. Mad I don't even know. I always want to do something but then can never finish anything. I want to do things but don't know what I want to do. Or just don't have it in me to do it. A lot of times I keep myself busy by being on my laptop or xbox or phone. I can never sleep. I wanna make things better in my life and with my daughter and my boyfriend but most of the time I'm so full of everything that I either just sit there staring and doing nothing or just laying there. When it comes to sleeping, everything runs through my mind and most of the time I don't feel good enough for anyone or anything. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I can snap myself out of it. Push it all to the back of my mind. I seriously have no idea why I am the way I am. It really irritates me and I don't even know how to change it or stop it. I just want to be happy. What I am supposed to do?